- Your husband may be going through a more difficult experience than ever before. He's getting rejected on almost a daily basis. He has feelings of letting his family down. He may have feelings of guilt for having lost his job - even though that could have happened to anyone in his position. He needs your total support - and nobody else can give him the help you can! Let him know that you're proud of him and that you appreciate everything he has done and what he is doing now. Remember he's out there working for the family too.
- He needs someone before whom he can let his hair down - someone who will really listen and understand. He'll have his ups and downs, more so probably than when he had a job. Something that looked good one day will disappear overnight! Often he won't want to talk about how things are going-but you're being there ready can be a great source of comfort. If he has an inclination to talk, listen. He needs someone he can let it all out to.
- A key to your husband's success in his job search is a high level of self-confidence. It's inevitable that at times during the campaign it will be at a low ebb. Give him all the encouragement you can.
- You may have certain doubts about your husband's ability or his judgment. Be careful here. He is probably looking to you as his greatest booster. There may be occasions when you can subtly call his attention to certain limitations in a constructive way.
- You need to give vent to your frustrations. In many ways you're under more pressure than any one. Under the circumstances, you won't find it easy to let off steam to your husband. Seek out a friend. You may find that a wife whose husband went through a long job search may be particularly helpful. Not only may she be more understanding than many friends, but she may have some constructive suggestions.
- In the past you may have put pressure on your husband to strive beyond his abilities or inclinations. If you feel his goal is too high, let him know that you and the family support him if he chooses a more limited objective.
- It's important that all of your children, especially the older, be brought into the picture - so they can cope with the family uncertainty in their own ways. It may affect their personal plans (for example, college or a summer camp deferred). It may affect their schoolwork. You are in the best position to allay their fears.
- You should be sensitive to the fact that it is often difficult for you to help your husband. But it's often difficult for spouses to achieve objectivity and to set emotions aside. You may be surprised to find that your husband has goals for his life that perhaps you were completely unaware of. These can be things that are very personal and deep-seated, and that he never has really talked about.
They could be such things as a compulsive striving for success, or a desire to make a lot of money or to strive for a very prestigious image. These may not be important to you as goals for him, but to him they may be very real. If his motivations toward these goals are intense, you may be powerless to dissuade him from them. Get him to talk to somebody he particularly admires. That person may be able to make him understand that his goals are unrealistic-if they are - and get him to be more practical. He may need personal job counseling help, or even possibly psychological help. Here again a person that he particularly respects may be able to persuade him to this.
- The strain on you may be just as great - or even greater than on your husband. You need to get rid of your frustrations in the same way your husband does. But both of you must be careful not to vent your frustrations on each other.
- You may be tempted at this time to load your husband with a lot of the household chores. That's normal. Perhaps he can share the load more.
But don't be tempted to push him into doing a lot that takes time from his job campaign. That's his and your first priority! And it's a full-time, high-pressure job. Detracting him from it will only pro long the frustration of his being out of work or it may lead him to accept a job you'll both regret.
