"Allison, do you want to be a ballerina when you grow up?" a man asked. "Please, Daddy," a tiny voice replied. "I'm only three. I'm not planning to make any career decisions until I'm six."
I don't remember the product they were advertising. (What could it possibly be?) But that clever two line dialogue is etched in my memory, reminding me of the first career conversation I had with my mom. I was six years old, and adults suddenly wanted to know what I wanted to be when I grew up.
Kids' fantasies today usually reflect their television world. They want to be movie stars, super athletes or, in some cases, comic-book adventure heroes. My 6-year-old nephew, Gabriel, wants to be a policeman because "they arrest people and no one tells them what to do." This is a far cry from what his writer-father and art-loving mother would choose for him. But personally, even as a child, I leaned toward serious intent.
I wanted to be a nurse - and had good reasons why. While my first-grade friends were playfully romping through the schoolyard, I had been in bed with scarlet fever. My first official school year was spent in and out of hospitals. My first career "choice" coincided with my recovery.
But when I told my mom about my plans, it became clear she had other ideas. "You can't be a nurse, honey," she said, kindly but firmly. "You have to be a teacher." My six-year-old heart was broken (I was laboring under the delusion that I could be anything I wanted to be). "Why do I have to be a teacher?" I asked. "So you can be home for your kids when they get home from school."
My mom's logic was well beyond a child's comprehension. But I did garner this much disturbing news from her comment: Apparently, my entire life was already planned out and no one had even bothered to consult me!
Myth 1. A Job That Pays Well Will Make You Happy
Depression-era parents passed this myth on to their baby-boomer children enmasse. It's not hard to understand why so many adults who lived through the Great Depression harbor such an inordinate need for financial security. Their children, who live in different economic times, however, are discovering that salary potential isn't the only factor worth considering when selecting an occupation.
I can list a hundred different examples from my private career counseling practice - all with the same theme. Kids turned to their parents for career-choice advice and were pointed firmly in the direction of better-paying jobs. That's how someone who was better suited to being a chef ended up in accounting, an aspiring fashion designer wound up in banking, and a would-be photographer chose law. It's also why so many successful professionals decide to change careers in their 30s and 40s.
The initial emphasis that parents and their offspring place on money is quite reasonable. After all, as a young adult, you were probably cast from the family womb without an apartment, a car or a charge card, and you needed to establish your financial independence post-haste.
Plus, you likely were anxious to meet the timetable that society had conveniently laid out for you: graduate from college, get a job, get married (or, in some cases, get married, then get a job), buy a house, have kids. And after have kids? Raise kids. Pay the bills. Save for college tuition. After that, your kids can do the same thing all over again: live your life, that is. It's all very predictable. It's also unrealistic. Every individual has to make his or her own way in the world. There's no single right formula that works for everyone. Behind every successful and satisfied careerist is a process of self-discovery and a journey down a personally meaningful road, not a simple prescription for happiness that didn't work then and doesn't work now.
No one is denying the importance of money. It has the power to relieve financial stress and make life infinitely more comfortable. But when you trade in your soul for a paycheck, you give up too much. The key is to avoid "either-or" thinking. Stop believing that if you do what you want, you'll have to starve, and start thinking more creatively about ways to make money doing things you love.
Tom Peters, a noted author and management consultant, has said that when it comes to career choices, it's inconceivable to him that ambitious and talented people would do anything other than follow their hearts toward things they love. How can you possibly expect to be successful, Peters asks, if you don't care about and value the work you do?
