The following tips will help you benefit from the criticism you hear:
- Follow the Golden Rule. Accept criticism as you give it - fairly and objectively.
- Get your ego out of the way. Criticism may hurt your pride or self-esteem, but you still need to listen to it clearly. You can't do that if you're busy putting up defense mechanisms.
- Avoid catastrophic thinking. When you're paranoid about the consequences of a complaint, it's easy to fall into the trap of selective hearing. Try to keep your mind and ears open before jumping to conclusions. You haven't lost your job, customer, business or reputation yet. And by remedying the problem you've been alerted to, you'll be better able to prevent such disasters.
- Forgive yourself for your imperfections. Just because you have a vocational blemish or two doesn't mean you aren't competent, successful or likable; it just means that you're human. There isn't a person alive who doesn't have room for improvement.
- Empathize with the messenger. To evaluate feedback fairly, try standing in the other person's shoes. How would the situation look from that perspective?
- Compare the current criticism to previous feedback. Ask yourself if there could be any truth to the criticism. Have you heard it before? Does it confirm (or negate) what you and the people you trust think about you?
- Evaluate the messenger. Are your criticizers in a position to know whereof they speak? Are they reliable? Are you aware of any hidden (or even political) agendas that might skew a messenger's vision?
- Check with others. If you aren't sure whether the criticism is valid, solicit a second opinion from someone you know will tell the truth.
- Don’t give credit where credit's not due. If you disagree with the criticizer's viewpoint, you can acknowledge the feedback but not the liability (e.g., "Thanks for the input. I can't say I agree with your opinion, but I appreciate your concern").
- Do give credit where appropriate. When criticism proves valid, ask the person who identified the problem for suggestions on improving your performance.
- Create an action plan. After you've identified ways to fix the problem, establish some developmental goals for yourself. Set incremental goals, and then monitor your progress regularly.
- Share your victories. If you've worked hard to "fix what ails you," you deserve a reward. Celebrate triumphs with your supporters.
Thought-Starter Worksheet
- What is your experience with failure so far?
- Are you afraid to fail?
- Does a fear of failure ever prevent you from trying new things?
- If you weren't afraid of failing, what would you do (or try to do)?
- When you were growing up, how did your parents handle your mistakes?
- As a youngster, were you overly critical of your own mistakes? If yes, do you know why?
- Do you have a low opinion of your own abilities?
- Do you suffer from low self-esteem?
- Describe your biggest career failure.
- How did it make you feel to fail?
- Do you know why the failure occurred?
- Is there anything you could have done to prevent yourself from failing?
- Do you consider yourself a perfectionist?
- Do you know the difference between a small mistake and a big one?
- Do you have a tendency to take yourself too seriously?
- Can you think of a time in your life when you learned something important from failure that prevented you from making a similar mistake again?
- If you're overly fearful of failure, have difficulty accepting your own mistakes and/or have trouble recovering from career setbacks, have you considered working with a professional therapist to strengthen your resiliency?
