How?
By knowing what you can and can't change. This means evaluating the sources of your dissatisfaction to determine where you can expand your sphere of influence. Often, you can do more than you realize. Since unhappiness (like happiness) is a feeling rather than an objective state of being, you can almost always improve your satisfaction level just by thinking different thoughts. Instead of seeing what's wrong and bad all the time, train your eye to see the positive aspects of a person or situation. Even if the facts never change, you'll feel better for the effort.
A personal anecdote comes to mind. Several months ago, I was teaching a resume-writing workshop to a group of managers who'd recently been declared "at risk" by their corporate employer. In the workshop, I made an innocuous comment to a participant in which I pointed out that her professional affiliation with a black organization implied that she was black even though she wasn't.
Another participant overheard my remark and mistakenly assumed I meant that it was bad to be black, which anyone who knows me realizes I'd never say because I don't believe it. The words were taken out of context, however, and blown up into something akin to World War III.
Ultimately, I was exonerated (and everyone agreed that it was simply a misunderstanding). But, in the meantime, I was raked over the coals for my comment and treated much like a common criminal, despite my excellent reputation working with this company for more than five years. To add insult to injury, the contract firm for whom I worked has never offered me another assignment, costing me many thousands of dollars in revenues.
On hearing the story, a friend of mine (whose opinion I cherish dearly) laughed sympathetically and said: "I don't ever want to hear you complain you don't have enough power. One little comment from you pushed two major companies into closed-door negotiations for weeks!"
His comment was eye-opening for me. Instead of feeling like a pawn in a political maelstrom, I suddenly felt strong and serene. And while the incident cost me some sleepless nights, it also made me more confident of my ability to handle tough situations and thankful for the chance to distinguish my allies from false pretenders.
It may be a cliché to say "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," but in my case, it was definitely true. The incident taught me courage and resiliency, two sorely needed traits for my arsenal of capabilities.
Knowing what you can change and how to do so is an important key to career satisfaction. On the flip side, it also helps to know what things lie outside your sphere of influence and accept that reality, too.
How to Cure Your Feeling of Loneliness at Work
If you feel lonely at work, make a concerted effort to become more accessible. Develop a list of "social goals" that increase your opportunities for communication and participation. The steps you take should include the following:
- Volunteer for committees, projects or task forces that will allow you to work with a variety of people.
- Ask to serve as a liaison between departments or divisions.
- Request customer service and/or vendor/supplier relations responsibilities.
- Make a point of smiling and saying "good morning" to everyone you see on your way in the door.
- Go out to lunch with your colleagues. Don't eat at your desk.
- Participate in occasional after-work gatherings.
- Go to company outings such as annual picnics, golf excursions and Christmas parties.
- Carpool to work.
- Devote time each day to discussing non-work activities.
- Don't complain about your workload, job activities, boss or co-workers. Dwelling on your problems will only make you more unhappy.
- Praise others' work. You'll make the people you laud and yourself feel good.
- Make friends with positive people. Avoid perpetual naysayers.
- Say "no" to mean-spirited gossip.
- Add the simple phrase, "Thank you," to your everyday vocabulary. A little appreciation can go a long way.
