Boss Trouble
A marketing manager who has the bad habit of getting fired every nine months because of personality conflicts with her bosses needs to figure out what's happening before she destroys her entire career. After three premature terminations, she's already having trouble finding new employers who are willing to hire her. They see her job-hopping history as a giant red flag.
While it's easy to blame your difficulties on all those stupid, incompetent executives, not every boss is a stupid, bumbling fool just because he or she can't along with you. However painful it may be for you to acknowledge the problem, you aren't doing yourself any favors by exonerating yourself from blame. In fact, when you shift total responsibility for your career problem to "them," you create additional problems for yourself. The truth is, you'll gain more control by owning up to whatever portion of the problem really does belong to you.
Troubling, repetitive patterns in your work history should send up a personal red flag, indicating you have a problem that needs fixing. If the problem centers around "bosses" or authority issues, you may be staring at some unresolved childhood conflict you have with less-than-perfect parents.
Self-employment can solve the problem, but if you're not the entrepreneurial type, you'll need another solution. Professional counseling is usually the best answer, but if you can't afford or are afraid of it, you can start tackling the issues on your own by developing insight into your motivations and behaviors.
Writing teacher Gerissa French in Chicago believes you can achieve better self-understanding through a technique she calls "Discovery Write." Here's how this exercise works:
- Make a list of all the bad bosses you've ever had.
- Below each name, write down any symbols, objects or phrases you associate with the person.
- Put a plus or minus sign next to each symbol, object or phrase.
- Count up the minus signs. The person with the most blemishes will be your writing subject.
- Write a character sketch or story about that person. Make it as negative as you want. Write down everything you hate, fear and would like to change about that person. Don't hold anything back. (The key here is not to edit your thoughts and feelings.)
- Put your story away for a day or two. After you've let it settle a while, review what you wrote. How does it look once you've vented your feelings? How true do you think your feelings are to the reality of that person?
- Now, go to the second person on your list and complete the same exercise.
- Compare the first story to the second. Are there any similarities? Think about the two people you're investing with so much negative energy. How similar are they? How different? Are you sure? (If someone you know and trust knows both your subjects, you may want to ask them to review your story. Do their perceptions match up with yours? Or are your fantasies out of control?)
- Think about the traits that really trigger your hostilities and drive you crazy. Are they similar to those of any of your family members? If so, you've found the link between your bosses and your childhood history, an important first step toward resolving the conflict
French experienced a personal epiphany regarding a family member who'd been inculcated with the message that he was an "ugly duckling." To compensate for that diminished status, her relative often "strutted his stuff"-behaving more like a bantam rooster than an ugly duckling. To this day, French has a love-hate relationship with bantam rooster-type men.
