Remember Dan Jansen, the Olympic speed skater whose sister Jane died of leukemia on the day of his 500-meter race in Calgary in 1988? Had the fates been kind, Jansen would have won that 500-meter race he dedicated to his sister, or at least the 1,000-meter race he skated four days later. Instead, he stumbled twice and went down in defeat.
You can write his mistakes off to grief and be partly right. But it wasn't just sadness that made him stumble. It was fear of success, too, and possibly survivor's guilt. He just didn't feel right celebrating a victory so soon after his sister's death. It was more important to mourn her passing.
Six years later, he felt more ready and deserving of the honor. In fact, he felt worthy enough to set a new Olympic world record in the 1,000-meter race at Lillehammer and to take victory laps with his daughter Jane nestled in his arms.
While such well-deserved victories are obviously heartwarming, Jansen believes that the battle to accomplish your goals is more important than any medal or award. Some of his fans agree.
One of his favorite post-Olympian memories came from a well-wisher who told him: "You would have been a hero whether you won the race or not." Like Jansen, she believed that his ability to persist in the face of adversity was every bit as admirable as the medal. Jansen's father agrees, saying that the way his son handles his defeats is every bit as impressive as the way he handles victory.
This is not about being a good loser. It is about the dignity of wholehearted commitment and effort.
Prejudice
Some failures are the result of ignorance - not your own, but other people's. Such ignorance typically reveals itself in the form of racism, sexism or ageism.
A successful accountant in Philadelphia was his employer's "favorite son" right up until the day the company discovered he was gay and summarily discharged him. What resulted was a down-and-dirty lawsuit that the accountant eventually lost. But in the process, he gained something more important: a sense of integrity. Never again would he hide his sexual orientation. He vowed that from then on, he'd always live an openly homosexual life.
He also decided to establish his own practice. He was gratified to discover that most clients care little about their accountant's sexual orientation and a great deal about his or her ability to save them tax dollars. This knowledge made him much more secure about his professional future and place in the human community.
For people who have felt the need to hide their religion, sexual preferences, age or other sensitive information from their employers, to have that information come out into the open can be liberating, even if they end up losing a job as a result (which hopefully they won't).
While how much personal information you reveal should always be your choice, you won't always have that luxury. Should you find yourself on the wrong end of prejudice and ignorance, you can use it to affirm your essential values. Standing up for who you are and what you believe can armor you with self-knowledge and resiliency that will make it difficult for anyone to successfully undermine you.
So the next time someone doesn't like who you are or what you stand for, remember that it's really their problem, not yours. They're entitled to what they believe, but their beliefs can't diminish you unless somewhere deep down you think they're right.
