For instance, for a technical trainer, resolving anger at her boss and co-workers for not respecting her work and for mistreating her can be the primary emotional task. At times, her anger can be fueled by anxiety that she wouldn't be able to find another position; at other times, it can be tempered by her success in the outside world. If she can see that she can be able to find something else rather easily, her rage can melt away - a sure sign that her hostile dependency on them had vanished. The offer of consulting work was the ultimate coup de grace. Finally, they recognized and appreciated her competence, paving the way for her to exit the once-stormy relationship gracefully. Leaving properly is an emotional challenge.
No matter how much you dislike the work, you can still feel a twinge of regret when you're training your successor. No one likes being a lame duck. It's no fun to be left out of the action. Yet letting go piece-by-piece can be an important part of leaving.
There's almost always someone you're going to miss. And though you promise each other you'll stay in touch, even friendships that extend beyond the office corridors can lose momentum without daily contact or shared experiences.
You may find yourself grieving the loss of your comfortable, familiar routine.
You'll get over it. Once you find a new position, you'll make new friends and establish new routines. But if you quit without having anyplace new to go, you may find yourself feeling empty, disoriented and unsure of who you are or where you're going. This "neutral zone" is an in-between state where you've left one place behind but don't yet know what lies ahead. You must pass through this important transition point before you can see clearly where you're headed. If you jump from one job to another without allowing time to separate emotionally, you may have trouble reconnecting. Then you may carry all your old emotional baggage (in the form of unresolved conflicts) into your new job, and end up repeating the cycle of dissatisfaction.
It hardly seems worth the effort of leaving just to be unhappy somewhere else. The only way to prevent that from happening is to make sure that you understand the true sources of your dissatisfaction, so that you don't seek out places or situations where those conditions are likely to recur. This means sorting through whether it was the job, the company, or the people you worked with that created the mismatch for you. Once you know, you can ask the right questions and evaluate jobs more clearly to make sure that your history doesn't repeat itself.
Before you ever job-hunt, you really need to understand what you like to do, what you do best and the kind of places where you like to work; and then have the courage and persistence to seek opportunities that can really meet your needs.
Saying Farewell
Once you find a great new job, your next challenge will be finding a way to break the news to your employer.
Perhaps you prefer the Johnny Paycheck method: You know, the one where you shout, "You can take this job and shove it" over your shoulder as you storm out the door.
Anger not your forte? Maybe you'd rather procrastinate for weeks, practicing your resignation speech in front of the mirror as if you were receiving an Academy Award for Best Actor. Then, on the day of the blessed event, you rush into the personnel office and blurt "I quit" into the astonished secretary's face.
If you're a really timid type who'll do anything to avoid a confrontation, you may want to wait until late Friday night when no one else is around, slip your resignation letter under the boss's office door, and then sneak out the back like the Benedict Arnold you are.
Or maybe you're the silent type who leaves at 5 p.m. with everyone else, cheerfully waving goodbye to your co-workers. Little do they know you aren't coming back - ever. On Monday morning, your phone is disconnected (just in case they try to call) and your mail carrier has instructions to stamp letters from the company, "addressee unknown." Running away like this has its downside: You can never answer your telephone or doorbell again.
There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there's only one good way to leave your job: Give ample notice of your intentions, express your appreciation for the experience, make arrangement for an orderly transition, and say goodbye - nicely.
Leave like a grown-up and a professional, and your old employer just might treat you that way.
